Get your pain under control, for real.

       Is your pain not under control?

      Six years ago,  mine wasn't:  Not even a little, and I very seriously wanted to die. Not because I was depressed - or even unhappy with my life  - I was simply in pain, non-stop, around the clock, and I couldn't take it any more.   

       I want to share my tips for how I got my doctor(s)  to take me seriously and to stop pushing absurd amounts of Tylenol,  Advil,  Aleve,  Aspirin,  rest,  a better diet,  weight loss (I wasn't even over weight), PT after more PT,  and thier CONTINUOUS ignoring of my worsening 10/10 pain by throwing more and more referrals to specialist doctors (ortho, rheumatologist, neurologist, endocrinology, etc etc etc) who likewise,  didn't know how to help me get control of my pain.  

       I hope you have a chance to read this if this applies to you, and I hope it changes your life like it changed mine because my pain is now a 3-5 MOST OF THE TIME.

       I was diagnosed with EDS at thirty years old,  immediately following a pregnancy.  The hormones had triggered what HAD BEEN a lifetime of mild symptoms and I spiraled out of control thanks to misdiagnosis and the use of IV Levoquin & ciprofloxin over ten times in one year.  

       That first year,  with a newborn,  I was in and out of the hospital nonstop. First it was mono,  then recurrent kidney infections, my pain was a worsening 10/10 around the clock and when my son was seven months old, I was suicidal from the hopelessness and the constant hellish torture of the pain.

       I had survived a pregnancy born out of domestic violence and sexual assault.  I gave up my beloved law enforcement career and my beautiful home and all my independence to move home and in with my parents - instead of the adoption id planned, my best friend if sixteen years suggested we keep the baby and get married and despite all this,  I'd never been more content or happier with my life...  But I told my husband I wanted to die... Because even though my life *situation* had NEVER BEEN Happier and more fulfilling...  I was in CONSTANT HELLISH PAIN.  

       "I cant live like this," I told him.  "I know,"  he agreed.  

       My primary care had me on 10mg vicodin once or twice a day,  but it wasn't doing nearly anything.  A half hour after the pill was in my system,  nothing.  I was taking benadryl around the clock to try to sleep through some of my pain.  It wasn't working.  

        I was having nonstop intestinal bleeding from the acetaminophen in the vicodin, the hospital pinpointed it was the cause.  Each new symptom (reynauds, the nerve pain,  Mast cell rashes, arthritic pain all over, now tendon ruptures from the antibiotics and the interstitial cystitis (that WASN'T recurring kidney infections)... 

       Finally,  I went back to my primary care doctor and laid it on the line. 

        I told him, "Look, I understand that it's difficult for you to prescribe pain medication long term and in any quantity because of the monitoring and concerns for your license, but here's my reality.  I'm in pain around the clock that's not being controlled and its affecting every part of my life. " 

       I then handed him a *pain journal* I'd kept FLAWLESSLY vigilantly for eight plus weeks.  I'd written down everything...  My overall "scale of ten" pain score (every few hours),  along with a second score for my ACUTE pain.  One score for my allover body condition and a second score for the acute pain:  so say I just reached for a book and my shoulder dislocated.  

       Body-wide I may be feeling like a 5, but now my shoulder is a 9 momentarily.   I logged EVERY subluxation,  every dislocation and how much each one hurt and for how long. I documented how long the acute pain lasted from each injury...in and out of the hospital,  I kept it up.  

       I tracked every single accommodation i made to cope with my eds.  Every nap I was forced to take because I couldn't keep my eyes open...  Every time I sat down on the floor waiting in line because I couldn't hold the gallon of milk anymore... Every meal I skipped because I was STARVING ...but no one was home to feed me,  each time I just couldn't pull myself together to make something and fell asleep STARVING.  

       I gave my doctor that pain journal and asked him to go through ANY GIVEN DAY with me, line by line.  As he read it, he was forced to CLEARLY see, in front of him, in black and white, just how serious my condition had become.  He could SEE how much my pain was affecting every single part of my life ...  I wasn't sleeping, I couldn't eat,  I was constantly hungry and nauseous and gaining weight despite bordering on starvation....  

       And I spelled it out for him; "I realize there's only so much you can do but what you CAN do is write me a referral and a reference to a pain management physician.  Someone who *can* attempt to help me,  weather its different medication,  additional medications,  injections, customized bracing,  nerve blocks, you name it...  But I can't live like this anymore and I need YOUR help.  I need that referral so that I can get the treatment I need to get this condition under control."

       I could see that I had him, but I didn't let up: "My entire life is out of control and as a patient,  it's right here in your patients bill of rights statement (I pointed to the ACTUAL handout I'd gotten from his office manager) -  it says that I have a right to your respect and *proper pain management protocol* and since I realize your hands are tied in regards to what *you* can do for my pain,  I need that referral.  I need you to advocate for me, to help me find a doctor that you can explain the specifics of my condition to,  and to whom you can explain how long you've been treating me and how this condition has taken over my entire life."

       In that moment, my entire life changed.  

       Forty eight hours later (after a minor hiccup, bc the first "pain management" office I was sent to "didn't do medical management" -  so I would add to my advice to request a doctor who Does include prescriptions in thier possible care so that you have ALL available options)...  But anyway... within 48 hrs I was sitting in a different office,  again in tears, with that same pain journal in hand... But this time,  it was **happy tears**.

        (I also have to wedge in this suggestion here  ... No matter how independent you are,  please take someone with you who sees your daily struggles and can and will advocate WITH you that will attest to your struggles and how responsible you are with mediation and with wearing your braces and doing your p/t.  It helps if this is the person you ask to help when you can't shower, the person who has to make your food when you can't and so on.  
 
       They are VERY helpful in getting your doctor's eyes opened.  Let him or her talk, in a concise way,  about watching your struggle. The doctors need to hear this from someone else.  Sadly,  if you're female,  it often REALLY helps to hear it from your husband, boyfriend, brother or dad.  It's not fair but it is true that many doctors listen to men and DON'T take women at their word.) 

       I was written prescriptions for an around the clock, slow,  long-acting 60 MG morphine (bear in mind you'll need to be VERY open minded about what is prescribed. Do NOT shoot down medications unless you are LEGITIMATELY ALLERGIC.  If you have a reaction, report it immediately -  but don't INSIST on certain prescriptions or you WILL be flagged as "drug seeking")

         I say this bc in the hospital prior,  morphine never helped me in acute situations, but I tried it anyway.  After THREE weeks of using the long acting KIND, it finally started to be processed by my body and it began to lay down a pain relief that dropped my GENERAL pain level to UNDER A FIVE around the clock!

         I was also PRESCRIBED (Same day,  same doctor) SIX 15mg oxycodone per day for breakthrough pain (later changed to 4mg dilaudid) which I've slowly voluntarily decreased my use of... Beware though,  breakthrough medications effectiveness slows down RAPIDLY...  You'll learn to only take breakthrough or instant release meds as ABSOLUTELY necessary.)

         I was enrolled in the medical marijuana program a year later, after we'd tried (with no success) every muscle relaxer in existence... 

       That pain journal CHANGED MY LIFE.  

So please,  consider this advice:

    -  Be firm but understanding with your doctor.
    -  Try to keep the same physician long term, but if they absolutely refuse to refer you to someone who WILL see you specifically for your pain (even after pointing out that thier own patients bill of rights insists that they WILL treat your pain reasonably and responsibly) -  you may have to move on. 
    - If you fire your doctor,  do so PROFESSIONALLY and get your records to take with you.  You can't just walk into a new doctor and ask for strong pain medications.
    - You'll need to build a rapport and to be seen over a period of time to establish a relationship with new doctors,  respect that.  
    - Lastly,  try to be UP FRONT,  honest,  and as calm and rational as possible.  Don't use your primary care or your pain doctor as your therapist.  If you're depressed, have anxiety, yes,  mention it,  but please seek the KIND of doctor.  Keep your medical and mental health care to the appropriate physicians when possible.  (Let's face it: its not good to appear mentally unstable in front of someone you hope will prescribe strong pain killers- likewise, you SHOULD seek that support from a physician who CAN help you with mental illness) 

And the two MOST IMPORTANT TIPS:

  1) BE OPEN MINDED TO TREATMENT OPTIONS. 

       You should be willing to try everything they suggest if you want your doctor to take YOUR suggestions. Doc wants you to try compound creams? Leg braces?  Water-based physical therapy? Fine.  But keep your pain journal and insist they keep treating you until your pain is MANAGED reasonably.  And if something makes it worse or doesn't help,  give it a fair shot before putting your foot down.  

    AND 2) Have REALISTIC pain management goals; 
       You will never not be in pain... But setting the goal to be able to get yourself food and drink 90%of the time when you need it,  to have pain levels below a 5 at least 50% of the time,  to be able to get out of bed in under three hours OR to be able to shower unassisted (even if it means using a shower chair) ...  That's not at all unreasonable.  

       You MAY have to do things that don't feel fair or right;  Like being drug tested and paying for it- every single month. Like signing a contract agreeing to random pill counts and agreeing to call your pain management office before accepting emergency room treatment for your pain.  You will have to use one pharmacy until the end of time, and not accept ANY controlled substance from your dentist from now on... That kind of thing. 

        But if you can get your pain under control...  It's all worth it.  

        I want everyone with EDS to have access to the pain control options I have now. I want everyone to have the support I had in getting here  but I can't do for you what my husband did for me.  

        I have long acting and immediate release medications.  I have the capacity to be put out-of-my-mind on those WORST days when my hip has been out more than its been in and I can't breathe from the pain.  I can force myself to sleep thanks to medical marijuana and the ativan prior to dental work (since the novacain doesn't work) helps me cope.  I have a shower chair,  a wheel chair, a window ac in my bedroom even when the rest of the house is not on,  I have double KFOS (knee foot ankle supports),  hip supports,  ring splints, a great masseuse and a chiropractor I swear by at least once a month...  You name it.

        I don't have 10/10 untreated pain around the clock anymore,  but I did once... And I did something about it.

        You can too,  I promise, there IS help out there.  Just don't give up.