Is your pain not under control?
Six years ago, mine wasn't: Not even a little, and I very seriously wanted to die. Not because I was depressed - or even unhappy with my life - I was simply in pain, non-stop, around the clock, and I couldn't take it any more.
I want to share my tips for how I got my doctor(s) to take me seriously and to stop pushing absurd amounts of Tylenol, Advil, Aleve, Aspirin, rest, a better diet, weight loss (I wasn't even over weight), PT after more PT, and thier CONTINUOUS ignoring of my worsening 10/10 pain by throwing more and more referrals to specialist doctors (ortho, rheumatologist, neurologist, endocrinology, etc etc etc) who likewise, didn't know how to help me get control of my pain.
I hope you have a chance to read this if this applies to you, and I hope it changes your life like it changed mine because my pain is now a 3-5 MOST OF THE TIME.
I was diagnosed with EDS at thirty years old, immediately following a pregnancy. The hormones had triggered what HAD BEEN a lifetime of mild symptoms and I spiraled out of control thanks to misdiagnosis and the use of IV Levoquin & ciprofloxin over ten times in one year.
That first year, with a newborn, I was in and out of the hospital nonstop. First it was mono, then recurrent kidney infections, my pain was a worsening 10/10 around the clock and when my son was seven months old, I was suicidal from the hopelessness and the constant hellish torture of the pain.
I had survived a pregnancy born out of domestic violence and sexual assault. I gave up my beloved law enforcement career and my beautiful home and all my independence to move home and in with my parents - instead of the adoption id planned, my best friend if sixteen years suggested we keep the baby and get married and despite all this, I'd never been more content or happier with my life... But I told my husband I wanted to die... Because even though my life *situation* had NEVER BEEN Happier and more fulfilling... I was in CONSTANT HELLISH PAIN.
"I cant live like this," I told him. "I know," he agreed.
My primary care had me on 10mg vicodin once or twice a day, but it wasn't doing nearly anything. A half hour after the pill was in my system, nothing. I was taking benadryl around the clock to try to sleep through some of my pain. It wasn't working.
I was having nonstop intestinal bleeding from the acetaminophen in the vicodin, the hospital pinpointed it was the cause. Each new symptom (reynauds, the nerve pain, Mast cell rashes, arthritic pain all over, now tendon ruptures from the antibiotics and the interstitial cystitis (that WASN'T recurring kidney infections)...
Finally, I went back to my primary care doctor and laid it on the line.
I told him, "Look, I understand that it's difficult for you to prescribe pain medication long term and in any quantity because of the monitoring and concerns for your license, but here's my reality. I'm in pain around the clock that's not being controlled and its affecting every part of my life. "
I then handed him a *pain journal* I'd kept FLAWLESSLY vigilantly for eight plus weeks. I'd written down everything... My overall "scale of ten" pain score (every few hours), along with a second score for my ACUTE pain. One score for my allover body condition and a second score for the acute pain: so say I just reached for a book and my shoulder dislocated.
Body-wide I may be feeling like a 5, but now my shoulder is a 9 momentarily. I logged EVERY subluxation, every dislocation and how much each one hurt and for how long. I documented how long the acute pain lasted from each injury...in and out of the hospital, I kept it up.
I tracked every single accommodation i made to cope with my eds. Every nap I was forced to take because I couldn't keep my eyes open... Every time I sat down on the floor waiting in line because I couldn't hold the gallon of milk anymore... Every meal I skipped because I was STARVING ...but no one was home to feed me, each time I just couldn't pull myself together to make something and fell asleep STARVING.
I gave my doctor that pain journal and asked him to go through ANY GIVEN DAY with me, line by line. As he read it, he was forced to CLEARLY see, in front of him, in black and white, just how serious my condition had become. He could SEE how much my pain was affecting every single part of my life ... I wasn't sleeping, I couldn't eat, I was constantly hungry and nauseous and gaining weight despite bordering on starvation....
And I spelled it out for him; "I realize there's only so much you can do but what you CAN do is write me a referral and a reference to a pain management physician. Someone who *can* attempt to help me, weather its different medication, additional medications, injections, customized bracing, nerve blocks, you name it... But I can't live like this anymore and I need YOUR help. I need that referral so that I can get the treatment I need to get this condition under control."
I could see that I had him, but I didn't let up: "My entire life is out of control and as a patient, it's right here in your patients bill of rights statement (I pointed to the ACTUAL handout I'd gotten from his office manager) - it says that I have a right to your respect and *proper pain management protocol* and since I realize your hands are tied in regards to what *you* can do for my pain, I need that referral. I need you to advocate for me, to help me find a doctor that you can explain the specifics of my condition to, and to whom you can explain how long you've been treating me and how this condition has taken over my entire life."
In that moment, my entire life changed.
Forty eight hours later (after a minor hiccup, bc the first "pain management" office I was sent to "didn't do medical management" - so I would add to my advice to request a doctor who Does include prescriptions in thier possible care so that you have ALL available options)... But anyway... within 48 hrs I was sitting in a different office, again in tears, with that same pain journal in hand... But this time, it was **happy tears**.
(I also have to wedge in this suggestion here ... No matter how independent you are, please take someone with you who sees your daily struggles and can and will advocate WITH you that will attest to your struggles and how responsible you are with mediation and with wearing your braces and doing your p/t. It helps if this is the person you ask to help when you can't shower, the person who has to make your food when you can't and so on.
They are VERY helpful in getting your doctor's eyes opened. Let him or her talk, in a concise way, about watching your struggle. The doctors need to hear this from someone else. Sadly, if you're female, it often REALLY helps to hear it from your husband, boyfriend, brother or dad. It's not fair but it is true that many doctors listen to men and DON'T take women at their word.)
I was written prescriptions for an around the clock, slow, long-acting 60 MG morphine (bear in mind you'll need to be VERY open minded about what is prescribed. Do NOT shoot down medications unless you are LEGITIMATELY ALLERGIC. If you have a reaction, report it immediately - but don't INSIST on certain prescriptions or you WILL be flagged as "drug seeking")
I say this bc in the hospital prior, morphine never helped me in acute situations, but I tried it anyway. After THREE weeks of using the long acting KIND, it finally started to be processed by my body and it began to lay down a pain relief that dropped my GENERAL pain level to UNDER A FIVE around the clock!
I was also PRESCRIBED (Same day, same doctor) SIX 15mg oxycodone per day for breakthrough pain (later changed to 4mg dilaudid) which I've slowly voluntarily decreased my use of... Beware though, breakthrough medications effectiveness slows down RAPIDLY... You'll learn to only take breakthrough or instant release meds as ABSOLUTELY necessary.)
I was enrolled in the medical marijuana program a year later, after we'd tried (with no success) every muscle relaxer in existence...
That pain journal CHANGED MY LIFE.
So please, consider this advice:
- Be firm but understanding with your doctor.
- Try to keep the same physician long term, but if they absolutely refuse to refer you to someone who WILL see you specifically for your pain (even after pointing out that thier own patients bill of rights insists that they WILL treat your pain reasonably and responsibly) - you may have to move on.
- If you fire your doctor, do so PROFESSIONALLY and get your records to take with you. You can't just walk into a new doctor and ask for strong pain medications.
- You'll need to build a rapport and to be seen over a period of time to establish a relationship with new doctors, respect that.
- Lastly, try to be UP FRONT, honest, and as calm and rational as possible. Don't use your primary care or your pain doctor as your therapist. If you're depressed, have anxiety, yes, mention it, but please seek the KIND of doctor. Keep your medical and mental health care to the appropriate physicians when possible. (Let's face it: its not good to appear mentally unstable in front of someone you hope will prescribe strong pain killers- likewise, you SHOULD seek that support from a physician who CAN help you with mental illness)
And the two MOST IMPORTANT TIPS:
1) BE OPEN MINDED TO TREATMENT OPTIONS.
You should be willing to try everything they suggest if you want your doctor to take YOUR suggestions. Doc wants you to try compound creams? Leg braces? Water-based physical therapy? Fine. But keep your pain journal and insist they keep treating you until your pain is MANAGED reasonably. And if something makes it worse or doesn't help, give it a fair shot before putting your foot down.
AND 2) Have REALISTIC pain management goals;
You will never not be in pain... But setting the goal to be able to get yourself food and drink 90%of the time when you need it, to have pain levels below a 5 at least 50% of the time, to be able to get out of bed in under three hours OR to be able to shower unassisted (even if it means using a shower chair) ... That's not at all unreasonable.
You MAY have to do things that don't feel fair or right; Like being drug tested and paying for it- every single month. Like signing a contract agreeing to random pill counts and agreeing to call your pain management office before accepting emergency room treatment for your pain. You will have to use one pharmacy until the end of time, and not accept ANY controlled substance from your dentist from now on... That kind of thing.
But if you can get your pain under control... It's all worth it.
I want everyone with EDS to have access to the pain control options I have now. I want everyone to have the support I had in getting here but I can't do for you what my husband did for me.
I have long acting and immediate release medications. I have the capacity to be put out-of-my-mind on those WORST days when my hip has been out more than its been in and I can't breathe from the pain. I can force myself to sleep thanks to medical marijuana and the ativan prior to dental work (since the novacain doesn't work) helps me cope. I have a shower chair, a wheel chair, a window ac in my bedroom even when the rest of the house is not on, I have double KFOS (knee foot ankle supports), hip supports, ring splints, a great masseuse and a chiropractor I swear by at least once a month... You name it.
I don't have 10/10 untreated pain around the clock anymore, but I did once... And I did something about it.
You can too, I promise, there IS help out there. Just don't give up.
Footnote: Even if you aren't disabled, being pulled over by the police can be a nerve-wracking experience. If you are living with a disability or chronic illness, this advice may help you avoid spending a night in jail - or worse - as a result of a simple mistake. My goal is to help LAW ABIDING citizens - not to help anyone get out of a traffic citation that they deserve.
How to behave during a Traffic Stop
Part One: Setting up for Success by being prepared:
Before you even see the cop in your rear-view mirror - my goal is to try to adjust your perception of police officers, why they pull cars over, and why they might be stopping you.
By accepting that being pulled over is just a part of driving, rather than believing it will NEVER happen to you - you better prepare yourself for the day you find yourself being stopped. Instead of telling yourself that you are a PERFECT driver, admit that on a daily basis, we all make mistakes, and some times we're the unlucky one who gets spotted when we've broken the rules. Also - it's important to realize that police officers conduct traffic stops for a MULTITUDE of problems, and not all of them are because they witnessed you committing a driving infraction. By preparing yourself from the reality that you WILL one day be pulled over by police, you are already setting yourself up to succeed.
One of the best things you can do to avoid a traffic ticket is to be follow the law! That means having your vehicle registered, insured, inspected (if your state requires it), and having proof of all those things. This also means carrying your disabled parking placard - and the ID card that goes with it from the DMV, plus having your license on you, every time you operate your vehicle. Know what your state's laws are - and make sure all your paperwork is EASY to find, up to date (throw away the last ten years of registrations - it's not needed and it's only going to get in your way of finding the CURRENT one). Check your paperwork every few months, and know when your license, registration and insurance cards expire - even if it means keeping a post-in on the outside of the glove box that will remind you when to change these documents!
Next- realize that while "normal" people tend to think of being pulled over as being a hugely traumatic experience - to a police officer, traffic stops are often just a way of communicating with drivers. We don't have walke-talkies, and if you did something wrong, we can't call your cell phone and remind you not to blow that stop sign tomorrow. It isn't necessarily about about writing tickets, or lecturing you and NO normal healthy police officer does traffic stops with the intention of causing fear- It's literally the only way to tell a driver to slow down - or sometimes more specifically; "Hey, back there, we have had a lot of residents complaining about drivers failing to slow down, so we're pulling folks over to let them know that they missed the speed limit changes" - I agree that NO ONE likes to see the red and blues in their rear-view mirror, but at the same time - I hope these tips ENSURE that you don't actually receive a ticket.
Sadly, some people take things very personally and give the officer an attitude the second they are pulled over -and while many officers are calm, fair, reasonable people - it's easy to see why they'd turn around and write-out a ticket to someone who is rude or nasty to them, even if originally they'd only stopped to give a verbal warning. No one likes to be yelled at, called names or verbally abused, and in society these days, officers are more aware then ever of the danger they face during every traffic stop. Don't give an officer ANY REASON to think you may want to harm them. No matter how angry or upset you are- the side of the road is NOT the place to show that.
MOST police officers are already NINETY PERCENT sure that they are writing a ticket VS giving a warning, at the time the stop is conducted. So often - your following these tips could literally be the thing that saves you from a citation - or - your negative behavior could totally change an otherwise forgiving officer's formerly calm and peaceful mind, We (police officers) call those citations "contempt of cop" tickets - as in - the law you broke wasn't so much the problem, but the attitude you gave the cop WAS. I'm not saying it's right, but it's VERY common. It pays to be polite to the police, even if you don't believe you've done anything wrong.
Part Two: Be Genuine & Polite - Anything Less is Asking for Trouble.
Sadly, a lot of people go into situations PRESUMING police are going to ticket or arrest them, and they end up acting in a way that basically ensures that IS the outcome. There are a lot of things people can do to more or less wipe-out the changes of going to jail - or to make the chances of leaving a traffic stop with a citation as slim as possible.
It's all about the attitude you have going into it. Think about it - have you ever gone to speak to someone - your boss - a manager at a store - anyone in a position of authority or power, and had them IMMEDIATELY be very negative before you've even had the chance to speak a word to them? Very frustrating isn't it? Perhaps you only wanted to say "Good Morning" - but your boss is already ready to bite your head-off, complaining about the weather, your late report from yesterday, etc etc.... it's awful. Traffic stops (ANY interaction with police really) - is the same. Don't ASSUME things are going to go badly - that the police officer is angry or a jerk, or that you are doomed. By being so negative, you are SETTING YOURSELF UP TO FAIL. Try to take five deep breaths before you even open your mouth, and realize that remaining calm witll have a HUGE impact on the officer and the way he treats you.
Do you want the police officer to understand that you have a disability that affects your disability? Do you have trouble communicating - listening - or understanding things that are said to you? Do you have a form of autism, an anxiety disorder or trouble hearing in one ear? TELL the officer politely.
MOST officers, if you explain up front, that you have - for example - an auditory processing problem and ask them POLITELY to give you extra time to process what they are saying - and maybe ask questions to better understand them - MOST would be willing to help you out.
This need for understanding goes both ways however: You need to keep in mind, and understand that on the side of the road- it's VERY dangerous for an officer to be out there. So maybe instead of slamming on your breaks as soon as the officer lights you up (PLEASE don't do this -EVER) - instead,you should signal - change lanes to the far right lane, then slow down, signal your intentions to pull over, and then pull over on a side-street, or into a parking lot. If you ARE on a major highway or VERY busy road and there are no exits in the immediate future- pull as far off the road-way as you can, into the grass even, so that when the police officer approaches your car, he doesn't have to stand in the roadway or near speeding vehicles to do so. That kind of thing will make an officer a lot more at-ease and safer. In turn, an officer who is not standing in traffic is more likely to be less anxious during the stop - and therefor less likely to write the ticket - see how easy that is?
The last part of this section is be GENUINE. If you want an officer to respect your disability, explain it in a clear, understandable way. It is okay to cry if you are genuinely upset- but do not expect pity or expect leniency because you are hysterical. Try to remain calm, and BE HONEST. If the officer asks you if you know why he stopped you - and u you DON'T - it's FINE to say "Honestly officer, I am not sure why you pulled me over this evening" OR "Yes officer, I realize that I was doing about fifty five miles and hour and the speed limit is actually forty five, I'm sorry." Apologizing - if you are sincere, is a nice touch. If you aren't sorry - don't say it. Being insincere is very transparent.
Part Three: The BIG CRINGE - You're being pulled over. What to do.
If you are prepared (your vehicle is registered, insured, inspected, etc - your license is valid, and your paperwork is handy and accessible, please take a deep breath. You are already ten steps ahead of the general public, and already have a great advantage. Say it to yourself: I'm not going to get a ticket. Now take a DEEP breath - and follow these steps:
1) As soon as you see an officer in a marked or unmarked patrol car behind you - signal that you are going to change lanes - and then, switch lanes - always move one lane to the right.
Often times they are NOT actually intending to pull you over, but have come up behind you as they are in a hurry, and its COMMON for a police officer, in a hurry, to suddenly appear behind you. REMAIN CALM: They may simply need to get around you to get where they are going. DO NOT SLOW DOWN or BRAKE.As a police officer who has been rushing to important calls (not all calls authorize the lights/sirens) - there's nothing worse than getting behind someone in the fast-lane that slows waaaaay down and proceeds to do ten miles UNDER the speed limit in the LEFT LANE. Just get out of the way. PLEASE. There is a GREAT chance the officer just simply wants to get where he's going. Don't move over MORE than once. If you change lanes, and then officer changes lanes behind you, don't keep changing lanes. If he moves in behind you, there's a good chance he's running your plates. Just do the speed limit, and keep your eyes on the road. Do your best to remain calm.
2) Prepare yourself - it might be your turn to be pulled over. Say it to yorself: It's not the end of the world. I'll be okay.
If the officer pulls out of a parked position and pulls in behind you, OR pulls beside you and appears to match your speed or continues to follow you after you have changed lanes or turned onto a new road, OR god forbid- ACTUALLY ACTIVATES his lights and/or siren:
A) Turn on your turn signal
B) SLOW DOWN but do NOT slam on the brakes
C) Look for a safe place that is reasonably close
NEVER EVER EVER get out of your car, for ANY REASON.
3) Stop your car in a safe place, in a reasonable amount of time.
Again - look for a side-street, or an area with a decent sized break-down lane. If there's a driveway of parking lot of a business, signal to let him know ryour intention - slow down to a crawl so he knows that you INTEND to stop.Choose an area with slower traffic, or that allows the officer as much room between your driver-side door and speeding traffic. Again: Unless instructed to - NEVER EVER open your car door, or get out of your car during a traffic stop.
4) Once stopped- roll ALL your windows down, turn the radio volume off- turn on your interior light (if its dark) - and sit - motionless- with your hands on the wheel. If you were on the phone (legally or not) - HANG UP. Do not make any calls during the stop, not even to your parents or spouse - it's very rude. .
You would be surprised how common it is for people to make a phone call in the short amount of time between being lit up ,and being stopped - people do it and they do it OFTEN, but it's VERY rude. I can't tell you how many times I've had drivers speaking to someone on the phone instead of ME at their window. I've had people as old as 28 try to put me on the phone with their spouse to explalin the ticket (just... NO. Don't ever do this). You should NOT be talking or texting while driving - don't do it during a traffic STOP either. It's incredibly rude and very much looks like you are not even remotely apologetic about breaking the law.
Ask ALL passengers to sit still and not to speak unless spoken to - and just keep everyone's hands visible. DON'T put them in the air - that's silly and unnecessary- it also looks like you are mocking the officer and the seriousness of officer safety. Just make your car interior completely visible, and remain calm and still. If you are alone, take a few deep breaths. being stopped is scar, and you are doing VERY well. Just remain calm. It's okay to cry if you really are afraid, but try to do so as calmly as possible. If you have passengers, ask them to remain still and quiet and not to speak unless spoken to. Your passenger ABSOLUTELY can cost you a ticket if they are rude or act in ways that make the officer nervous or suspicious.
5) Address all officers as "sir" or "ma'am" - or simply as "officer".Remember to be polite and genuine.
Don't be so fake-polite that you come across as hostile or snotty. Saying "Yes sir" is polite.Using SIR in the sentence fifteen times come across as very sarcastic and in-genuine. You know what I mean - MANY people "yes sir" us to death and when you do it in a condescending manner, it's quite obvious.
6) Don't start looking for, or getting *anything* (license, registration etc) until it's asked for.
It is entirely possible that the officer will approach your car, tell you that your tail light is out, to drive safely, have a nice day, and will walk away. Don't deny him that opportunity by preemptively looking for paperwork. If the officer was looking for a suspect vehicle that matches yours, but the suspect is male (and you are female)- he may realize this once he gets close and tells you "My apologies, wrong car" and then let you go. NOT ALL TRAFFIC STOPS require paperwork, so don't go getting it out before it's asked for.
NEXT- IF and WHEN the officer does ask for items, explain to him WHERE the item is that he is asking for, then get it. For example; Say "I'm going to get my insurance out of my glove box, and my license is in my purse." - then get it. Having these items HANDY and not making the officer stand near 70mph speeding cars while you search for two hours through sixteen years of registration (throw that old crap out!!) - will go a LONG way towards your NOT getting a ticket. This goes back to "be prepared" above. Know where your items are, and keep them together, in an envelope in your car. Also - but this should go without saying - if you travel with a weapon, or medications - NEVER keep these items in the same location as your paperwork. So don't keep your wallet or purse with your ID in your purse full of medications. And don't store your gun in your glove-box with your insurance and registration. Just.... DUH.
7) If it's relevant to the traffic stop, or towards your communication DURING the stop, explain that you have a disability (The short version - no need to give your life story or complete medical history - this is NOT the time or place)
Again,DO NOT GET OUT OF THE CAR FOR ANY REASON unless you are TOLD TO by the police officer. If he tells you to get out, make sure you ask EXACTLY where he wants you to go, and do exactly what he asks. Again, it's okay to CRY if you are scared- but don't work up fake tears. Be genuine and honest. Don't exaggerate your injuries or disabilities, and there's no need to tell the police officer your entire medical history if none of it is relevant to your situation. If you were speeding because you just got bad news from the doctor and you weren't paying attention - THIS is relevant. If you were speeding because you have a lead-foot - don't bring up your disability.
DO: "I'm sorry officer, I have autism and I have a difficult time understanding people when I am upset or nervous and I'm asked too many questions. Could you please ask questions one at a time and or seak slowly? I am very nervous/upset because I have never been pulled over before.(Don't say this if it's not true! It's very easy for the officer to see your driving history!!)
DON'T: Sob hysterically, yell at the officer or get overly animated or loud for any reason, tell him a bunch of irrelevant medical history especially if your idea is to cause him to be sympathetic. Don't be dishonest or exaggerate. If you're really speeding because you have IBS and a really bad stomach ache - share that info - but don't make crap up. Literally - don't do that. Don't ask for a warning. Don't whine. Don't be demanding. Don't be irrelevant -this isn't social hour. Don' ask for the officers name and badge number (you can easily get that later from dispatch on the phone if you feel its necessary). Don't complain or argue.
8) TRY to remain as calm as possible during the duration of the stop. Same with your passengers.
Seriously - the officer could be stopping you because you match the description of a car carrying a missing 70 year old grandmother - or he could have pulled you over for speeding. But either way - remaining as calm as possible will help ensure that your communication is fully clear, and that your situation is resolved quickly and peacefully. He may very well have stopped you for a traffic infraction, but most officers write three times as many warnings as they do tickets, so remain calm, polite and honest and keep positive. If you are friendly, honest and non-threatening, there's still a good chance you'll leave with no ticket.
Why do I keep telling you NOT to get out of the car? First - its unsafe. There's traffic, and many people have been hit and killed by cars during traffic tops. Secondly, existing your car for any reason during a traffic stop - ESPECIALLY if the officer is in his or her car - is VERY threatening. If you've ever watched COPS or any videos of police officer involved shootings, you'll see that this is very often the beginning of a traffic stop gone VERY VERY wrong. When officers are shot during traffic stops, its very often by someone who exited their vehicle. The ONLY time you should ever open your door is if your window is broken and you CAN'T roll it down - even then - gesture to the officer and loudly say "The WINDOW is BROKEN - I need to OPEN the DOOR so I can HEAR you." - and even then - only crack the door open to communicate - don't open your door fully. Make sure any passengers are clear on this - them opening their door could SERIOUSLY frighten the police officer and cost you a ticket.
9) Ask questions if you don't understand what's being said to you - and it doesn't hurt to apologize as long as the apology is genuine - but DO realize the side of the road is NOT a court room- it is NEVER the place to argue over the legitimacy of a law, or to debate any portion of the reason you were stopped
If you ARE getting a ticket, just close your mouth and say as little as possible except for answering questions you're asked. If you go to court, realize the entire interaction is likely being recorded on the dash cam / body mic and everything you say may be played back - so LESS is MORE.You do have the right to video-tape the stop, however, i wouldn't hold your phone up or be obnoxious/obvious. There's no reason you can't start your camera rolling and allow it to pick up the audio of the stop from your lap or arm rest -but don't fiddle with the phone while the police officer is talking to you - it's EXTREMELY rude - and no matter how young you are - DO NOT make a phone call to mommy and daddy during the traffic stop. I can't say this enough.
If the officer IS writing you a ticket, just accept it, and realize that you DO have a time and place where you can dispute the ticket - it's court -you have an option for a court date. I realize NO ONE likes to get a ticket. Hell, even AS A COP, I've gotten tickets myself, and it SUCKS, but just accept that it's part of life and driving, and if you DID commit the infraction - try to drive safer and accept that the officer MAY have saved your life or someone else s. And if you DIDN'T commit the infraction - then you can go to court, and have your day in court, and explain your side of things. The roadside is NOT the place, and ARGUING will ALWAYS make your situation worse. It's fine to EXPLAIN or to answer any questions the cop asks - but don't get argumentative. It will NEVER help- even if you're right.
It is likely that the officer will tell you this verbatim: If you feel that you have received this citation in error, please contact the court office at the phone number listed on the citation and request a court date (If the citation is for a criminal/misdemeanor infraction, you'll have a MANDATORY court date on the ticket - he will tell you this). If you have to take a ticket to court - please contact me atRedandBlueNights@gmail.com use the SUBJECT: Traffic Ticket Dispute - tell me your side of t he story, send me a copy or photo of the ticket, tell me what law you were charged with (the exact criminal code # will be on the ticket) and tell me what state the ticket was written in. I'll try my best to give you advice as to weather or not you have a case worth making, or weather you should just suck it up and pay the ticket. I hope this helps relieve some stress! I'm NOT an attorney - just a former cop with a LOT of traffic court experience. :-)
10) Know your rights. If the officer asks if he can search you car, please know that you do not have to consent to the search.
The 5th amendment says that traffic stops must be "reasonable" - keeping you for a ridiculous amount of time is against the law, so if you are stopped for a simple traffic infraction - the law states that you shouldn't be kept on the road-side for more than 15-20 minutes or so. The 5th amendment also protects us from unreasonable search and seizure - this means if you say no to a search of your vehicle, police can have a trained K-9 walk the perimeter (if there is a trained K9 in the area or not far away who can respond quickly) - If you have any illegal drug in your car, or it's BEEN in your car in the recent past, I can't help you (and no offense, but i don't want to - that's not the point of my writing these tips). You do not HAVE to consent to a vehicle search - however - if you aren't doing anything illegal and you have nothing illegal ON YOU, the majority of people DO consent to the search in my experience. Also - just from experience - the large majority of people who DO NOT consent to a search - wind up having something illegal in their vehicle. Take this as you will - but if you do not consent to a search - the police will likely be suspicious. It might not be fair..... but it is what it is.
From my personal experience - we always handed a person their ticket or written warning BEFORE asking for consent to search. Many people who were quick to say "Sure, no problem, you can search it" - we would often then thank them, and tell them not to worry about it, and send them on their way. Sometimes police officers ask to search in some kind of mind-game and they dont actually mean it. Isn't that strange? Also, sometimes we would do a quick search, and then often send the person/people on their way.
I am going to write an ENTIRE separate blog post about drug possession - prescription drugs and how you have to carry them legally - and how to keep your prescription medications safe and legally carried - but this is very relevant.If you are carrying ANY prescription medications and they are NOT in their original bottles.... or if you are carrying anyone else's medications, or if you have marijuana and your state does not LAWFULLY allow medical marijuana or there is ANY doubt whatsoever about the legality of anything within your car - please realize that consenting to a search could very well wind up with you spending the night in jail. This goes back to the beginning. And being prepared - please always carry your prescriptions in their correct bottles OR with the pharmacy paperwork - never combine pills - even of the same type - because if your current prescription is for 30 pills and you have 42 in the container - you COULD be charged for every pill above 30 that you possess. (I'm SERIOUS). While MANY disabled folks carry their spouse's medications - please realie if your spouse isn't in the car, and these are controlled substances -you can literally be charged with multiple felonies. KNOW your rights, and keep this in mind,.
11) After the interaction - with or without a ticket - secure your paperwork/items back where they belong - put your seat belt back on - thank the officer (even if he wrote you a ticket, because I assure you - your politeness will look REALLY good in court if you decide to take the ticket to court) - if you can't stomach thanking a police officer who just wrote you a ticket, try something like "please stay safe tonight").
You do not need to wait for the police officer to leave- he may actually sit in his car for a while at that exact location, so don't feel the need to wait around. . As soon as he tells you that you are finished, and gives you back your items and your warning or ticket, you may go, If you are unsure, ask him. and then pull over somewhere safe at your first opportunity to calm down, review what happened in your mind, take a break to let yourself settle down, before continuing your trip
By doing the above, you will SEVERELY reduce your chances of getting a ticket, or worse, going to jail - even if you *have* committed a terrible driving infraction.
Spending a significant portion of my adult life as a police officer is something I'm really proud of - it defined me as a person for most of my adult life - being a cop was WHO I AM - it's still in my blood. Unfortunately, Ehlers-Danlos syndrome is also in my body, and as it's taken it's toll on my body I was no longer safely able to do my job - eventually I have become do disabled that I couldn't even THINK about doing so many of the physically demanding things I used to do every day. Very depressing.
Even more sad than leaving behind a career which very much fulfilled me - creatively, morally, intelligently - is that as I've become a part of the disabled and service-dog handler communities, I've found that SO many disabled people are downright AFRAID of police officers, or have been traumatized by a single negative interaction, or worse, what's turned into a string of times that they have been let down, or worse, victimized by a single officer, a group of officers, or sometimes an entire department's systematic failure to handle people with physical, but far more often, psychological handicaps with respect and understanding.
During my time as an officer, I was proudly among one of the first officers in Florida to be recognized as specialists in dealing with people in crisis - and I put that training to good use. The very first day back to work after attending the sixty-hour course- I took a man into custody who was holding his mother hostage - during a very serious psychological break. He was off his medications, and was EXTREMELY violent, hostile, and suicidal. He also didn't like women OR cops, and was very upset with his mother. He wanted to die- but he didn't get his wish that day.
Single-handedly - without a portable radio (my portable was dead) -without pepper spray (I didnt carry it - I'm allergic)- without a taser (I hadn't yet been to the station as I was en route to work when the call came out) - without resorting to using my firearm (though I had it out, and pointed at him discreetly during the majority of the call - I didn't have much choice given the situation). That day, that man was taken into custody - I later rode in the ambulance with him, handcuffed, when he went to get psychiatrist help. That day, I was able to employ my training and my own experiences and verbal judo skills - to take down someone twice my size, who was VERY angry and VERY much in crisis. But it doesn't always end so well.
These days - we've seen SO much in the news, basically making police officers out to ALL be power-hungry, aggressive Type-A's - all waiting in the wings to use their firearm at the first chance. Those of us who have stood behind the badge know just how unfair - and unrealistic that portrait of police officers is. The LARGE majority of officers have two goals for their careers:
A) Go home safe, every night - and to retire after a long, safe career.
B) To never have to use their firearm - but to use it, if and when the situation calls for it - to protect ourselves, but more importantly, our co-workers and the general public.
That's about it. That's the goal for most cops -stay safe -and keep everyone else safe too. But sadly, from the things you see in the media, many people simply don't have faith that police officers are human beings too - human beings who genuinely DON'T want to hurt anyone. Most of us get drawn into the career to protect and serve. We genuinely want to HELP people. I realize as a female police officer, I have a slightly different perspective... after all, female officers are systematically less likely to use force during any given call. We are incredibly good at talking people into doing what we want - weather it's riding in handcuffs peacefully to jail, or going to the hospital to be checked out - either way, we tend to take the less-hands-on approach at every opportunity. Female officers are also more likely to escalate to deadly force though. It makes sense - most "bad guys" are much bigger and stronger than we are. During my career,every time I put that gun on - I knew that I would pull the trigger if the day ever came that I needed too. Thankfully, I never had to.
But regardless of the fact that MOST police officers are very much non-violent people, whio are intent on helping the general public whenever possible - we all get a bum wrap for the times when people get hurt. I don't agree with the outcome of the situation with Eric Garner. While I'm not here to state that he didn't need to be arrested- I don't agree with an officer keeping his career going strong after ending a man's life who didn't deserve to die. I'm not even going to touch the Michael Brown case because we could go around in circles- all I can say is that I understood why - after being punched inside his vehicle, the officer felt the need to draw his firearm. I'm not here to debate the specifics of the outcome of that case, but again - it comes down to HOW people interact with the police. Even with Eric Garner - part of the problem stemmed from his feeling that he was being wrongfully harassed by the police. He was a BIG man, who was angry and that sadly factored into what ended up causing his death.
The WAY that people interact with police officers is often tainted by their PREVIOUS experiences with law enforcement - and weather you've been arrested a half dozen times, or never done anything wrong in your life - we ALL get nervous when we see those red and blue lights in our rear-view mirror. And for people with psychiatric disabilities, such as anxiety, or maybe more severe cases, like bipolar, schizophrenia, etc - who may have been held against their will (like a 51-50 in California, or a Baker-Act in Florida - there's different terms for it everywhere) - perhaps you've come to fear the police or fear what will happen to you as a result of an interaction. And sadly, many people with psychiatric disorders have a host of controlled substances in their possession- or people with physical disabilities might have pain medications on top of other prescriptions- and this can cause more complications when it comes to our interactions- because at the worst - a person could end up spending a night - or longer- in jail if they are breaking the law, even if it's unintentional.
I want to improve the relationship between the Disiabled Community and Police Officers.
My goal, as a retired officer and a disabled person - is to offer tips to people on how to avoid having negative interactions with the police. I don't ever want someone suffering like I do, with chronic severe pain - to spend a night in jail that they don't deserve (don't get me wrong - I'm not writing tips for criminals - these suggestions are for LAW ABIDING folks). I don't think anyone deserves to go home with a ticket when they could learn their lesson just as effectively from speaking to an officer during the traffic stop.
That was always my credo as an officer too - I never wrote a citation if I felt the person truly got the message from our interaction and wouldn't commit the traffic infraction again.
I'm going to write several blog posts about being disabled and dealing with police officers- although I feel like there are many things that could be said to police officers to better sharpen their skills at dealing with situations with the general public and the disabled communities alike. Some police officers and sheriffs deputies are very good at being fair and their communication is precise and finely tuned - other departments are full of Type A Good 'ol Boy types - sadly - this is where the worst communication break-downs tend to occur, and where people are likely to be left feeling like ANY interaction with the police will have less-than-desirable outcomes. But my blog isn't a training seminar for officers, so I'm going to reach out to the disabled community and the public first, and make some recommendations that will hopefully improve your interaction with police officers, in a way that will HOPEFULLY reduce the number of tickets written - will encourage people who may have had a negative perception of police officers to open their minds and be a little more understanding - and hopefully will result in communication between the disabled communities and police officers to continue to improve over time.
Let's start with "What to do during a traffic stop" - and I'll invite my police officer friends to add in their own suggestions and advice. Let's see if I can use my experience and understanding of both how and why police officers do the things they do (The need for the greatest focus to ALWAYS be the utmost priority on officer safety) - while also understanding the unique perspective of a disabled person- one who may carry medications they need to function, which are also often sought after and abused by addicts. I want to reach out to people who know what it's like to be hassled over the legitimacy of their service dog by a police officer on the beach.
Being in the unique position of truly understanding what it's like to be on BOTH sides of a traffic stop - Maybe I can use my position of having been both an excited, proactive police officer who loved to make DUI and drug arrests - but who sadly also knows what it is like to be young, healthy-looking but fully disabled by the age of 30. i hope that these tips will sincerely help ease your anxiety and reduce your likelihood of getting a ticket or worse, going to jail.
I sincerely hope to help bring these two groups together with a greater understanding of what we can ALL DO in order to better get-along, better understand each other's concerns and needs - and how to BEST get what we all want: No one wants to get hurt, no one wants to go to jail, and no one likes to get a ticket. So let's see what we can do to reduce the likelihood of any of those!
I'll give specific tips for traffic stops tomorrow!
HOW LEVOQUIN AND CIPROFLOXIN CAUSED ME PERMANENT INJURY AND A LIFETIME OF PAIN...
One of the biggest things that contributed to my life-long battle with chronic-illness (in addition to the pregnancy that triggered the onset of severe symptoms) - was 100% the fault of Virtua Hospital and the HORRENDOUS admitting doctor who was put in charge of my care there. (*Please see the foot-note to this story) That's a story for another time, but I promise I'll tell it.
There is some debate about the facts - but this we know for sure: Shortly after my son's birth my husband and I both were diagnosed with Mono (well, to be fair, he had Mono, I was battling with the Epstein-Barr virus as I have immune system issues we didn't yet know about). My husband became jaundiced and was hospitalized, I had an IV infiltrate and and had a serious issue with cellulitis I began to battle with nearly permanent urinary tract infections and kidney infection symptoms.
I had sharp pelvic and abdominal pain, pain in my low back near my kidneys, burning and the constant feeling of needing to pee.... it was never-ending and so severe that I went to the ER nearly a dozen times because absolutely nothing would reduce the pain short of IV morphine or dilaudid. It became unbelievably bad during my periods, after sex, after bathing, swimming... I did everything possible to avoid UTI's - literally followed the handbook to a T - including giving up sex for quite a while despite the fact that I was newly married and very much in love. Nothing I did helped.
I was admitted to Virtua Hospital more than nine times in the year after my son was born, and several more times in early 2012. During the first few hospitalizations, I was told that I had MRSA in my kidneys... MRSA is a HIGHLY infectious staph infection. It HAD to have been given to me during a cathaterization... and up until that point I'd had exactly ONE catheter in my entire life: DURING MY C-SECTION... at Virtua Hospital. Isn't that nice? I was treated like a bio-hazard. Everyone who came into my room suited up as if I was an E-Bola patient and even friends and family were supposed to wear gowns, masks and gloves to come see me. My newborn child who I'd care for at home, skin to skin, I was told was not allowed to visit me in the hospital (they got WW-III about that, and I won, btw.) I missed my own baby shower (it was after my son's birth) because I was in the hospital, and I was in quarantine, so they wouldn't even let me guests visit me.
So the onslaught of antibiotics started. They pumped me full of antibiotics and I never began to feel better - only worse. The only thing that ever seemed to help the UTI symptoms was over the counter AZO (which I still use to this day on a regular basis) - even the various antibiotics didn't keep the infections at bay for more than a week or two. Some of my hospitalizations were LITERALLY just days after I'd been released. I was repeatedly treated with two strong antibiotics: Levoquin, and Ciprofloxin.
Each time I would get a bag of IV antibiotics, the pain would come. I felt as if they were pumping wet cement into my body and it felt as if every joint was hardening to a solid. I felt like I couldn't move - the fire-y pain that shot through my veins was worse than the broken jaw, worse than third degree burns, WAY worse than the c-section, even worse than the bowel impaction and intestinal tears I'd survived... it was HELL. I reported to the nurses my horrible pain. Occasionally a doctor would up my dilaudid from every 6 hours to 4, or add Vicodin on top of my morphine, but nothing was ACTUALLY helping. I was just getting sicker and no one knew why.
I'll tell you another time about the world war that went on between the doctors and I, but suffice to say that if a hospital can't explain your symptoms, they have two responses...
1) They'll tell you that they don't believe you're actually sick because your symptoms "don't make sense" or because nothing you're complaining of is showing up on their tests.... and they'll discharge you, even if you have VISIBLE symptoms, such as bacteria or an infection they can confirm.... they'll discharge you, after having you on anti-inflammatory medications, pain medications, antibiotics, probiotics and ran a whole bunch of tests.... and they'll send you home with NOTHING. The hospital will flat out tell you that they don't know the answer and that they "can't keep you here forever" and will simply send you home with NO answers.
2) They'll imply that perhaps you have a mental illness, that the pain is in your mind, or worse, that you are simply there seeking pain medications because you are a drug addict. I repeatedly told the doctor after being trearted with antibiotics that I was experiencing SEVERE and worsening pain... and in response, the admitting doctor flat out accused me of "drug-seeking behavior" claiming that my report of pain made NO sense and COULDN'T be true. (*Please see the foot note below about the serious affects of the Fluoroquinolone family of antibiotics.)
*I was accused of this once - by the same idiot doctor I mentioned above and in the blog post (here).
Why? Because at the time, in her words "No one being treated for a kidney infection SUDDENLY has sharp severe pain in her hip, shoulder and lower back. It makes no sense." Seven months later, a black-box warning was added to the Fluoroquinolone family of antibiotics- including LEVOQUIN and CIPROFLOXIN. Read more about this in the footnote or (here).
Basically what it comes down to is this- SEVERE PAIN as a side-effect of those antibiotics is a sign that something is VERY very wrong. And she continued to treat me with those same drugs, over and over and over, all the while, claiming that I was "over reporting" my pain and wasn't being truthful. In the end, her ignorance and ignoring my reports of pain, ended in PERMANENT damage to my joints, throughout my entire body, that I now have to live with forever. .
** Footnote Regarding Fluoroquinolone Antibiotic **
Approximately 7-9 months after I was accused of lying when I reported severe pain during and after IV antibiotic treatments - the FDA released new Black Box warnings about the SERIOUS dangers associated with these antibiotics. Here's the information from the FDA.
Warning: Fluoroquinolone Antibiotics May Cause Permanent Nerve Damage.
“The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has required the drug labels and Medication Guides for all fluoroquinolone antibacterial drugs be updated to better describe the serious side effect of peripheral neuropathy. This serious nerve damage potentially caused by fluoroquinolones may occur soon after these drugs are taken and may be permanent...
Peripheral neuropathy is nerve damage in the arms and/or legs, characterized by “pain, burning, tingling, numbness, weakness, or a change in sensation to light touch, pain or temperature, or sense of body position.”
Due to their tremendous health risks, fluoroquinolones should be reserved for treating serious bacterial infections that won’t respond to any other treatment, when the patient is made fully aware of the potential for serious adverse events. Instead, they’re often inappropriately prescribed for mild conditions like sinus, urinary tract and ear infections.
In fact, fluoroquinolones are among the most commonly prescribed antibiotics in the United States. I highly recommend you take pause before filling a prescription for these drugs, especially if you have a “routine infection” that has not been treated by other agents that have a safer side effect profile.
You should not expose yourself to this degree of risk unnecessarily! The dangerousness of fluoroquinolones definitely warrants some serious discourse with your health care provider about whether they are really necessary, versus safer treatment options.
Life at 34, as a mother, a wife, a daughter, a friend... with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, nothing is easy..but it *IS* worth it.